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Hot Sun, Tanning Oil and Waves: Babes on Boats


Spring is here and that means Americans will soon be dragging their boats to the lakes, rivers, and oceans like lemmings. For those interested in dipping their toe in all the sunny fun, or to upgrade their mega-yacht, WB put together a helpful little guide.

Choosing the right boats

With so many different types of boats available, finding the right one can be tricky. The biggest factors affecting the decision are purpose and budget.

No matter what you’re planning in a watercraft, from fishing, to sailing, to circling the globe, there are certain things to look for. First, you want to be certain there is enough room for all the women you intend to have aboard.

Even a quick fishing trip to the lake in most bass boats is much more exciting with two or three bikini clad women aboard. Once you’re away from shore or in a secluded cove, be sure to mention there is plenty of tanning oil aboard if they would care to take their tops off.


Make sure you have it, too. The last thing you want is for the girls to get sunburned boobies. They don’t want you to touch them after that.

Another helpful thing to bring along is a friend who doesn’t drink. That way you can load cases of beer and enough rum to embalm a zombie and hand the keys to them. Once the girls get oiled up with suntan lotion and oiled up some more with the liquor, the warm sun and breeze on their bare breasts have beneficial effects on their libido as well.

Another thing to stock is the kind of top shelf ganja the makes you melt into the seat cushions. It goes over really well with the ladies. Of course, big boats like cabin cruisers and yachts are famous for high seas orgy action but you can get just as frisky in a pontoon at the local pond.

Choosing the right girls

Besides having the right craft, plenty of alcohol, snacks and smoke, the most important thing to have aboard boats are the right type of women. Nobody wants to spend all that money on liquor for a woman who complains all day that she’s sea-sick, the sun’s too bright and prefers a one piece suit with shorts and a shirt over it. You really want to avoid the girls that look like they might get pregnant easily.

The idea is to look for the group of wild looking girls hanging around the beach wearing three micro-triangles tied together with thread. I have some really good ganja… Wanna go for a ride? Can be a great way to get three or four barely legal troublemakers away from the overprotective eyes of their parents. Just make sure to check ID’s before you start filling a coconut shells full of rum and adding a splash of pineapple juice for flavor.

While you want women old enough to suit your nefarious purposes on the high seas, you want the strong, young ones who look great with their tops off. They move fast when the sail needs to swing around and can lend a hand with the lines.


After the ganja creeps in and the coconut shell is empty, you can show her some nifty new knots, but she’ll have to take those bottoms off too. You might want to make sure there aren’t any other boats in the vicinity, unless they seem to be up to the same sorts of sailing games that you are.

After the sun sinks over the horizon, you can be parked in the marina and still have all the privacy you want. Suits can come all the way off with no danger of burning anything sensitive.

Pulling up to shore and building a campfire can lead to an entire night of drunken debauchery. You don’t have to worry about getting arrested for boating under the influence either because it’s anchored safely. That’s why owning a boat tends to lead to owning more and bigger boats.

What do you think?

Written by Mark Megahan

Mark Megahan is a resident of Morristown, Arizona and aficionado of the finer things in life.

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