Mark Megahan
Cocaine, the president of Columbia recently declared, “is no worse than whisky.” He’s absolutely right. Both are recreational chemicals which the human race has been playing with for centuries. When used responsibly they’re both relaxing and entertaining. Both can ruin lives and relationships when abused. When really abused they can result in prison terms. Why not allow individuals to take the responsibility and suffer their own consequences. The state can make a whole lot of money to pay for demand reduction programs. Legalizing cannabis didn’t turn out so bad. Why not try it for coke?
Cocaine should flow like wine
Cocaine, Colombian President Gustavo Petro announced during a live broadcast of a government meeting, “is illegal because it is made in Latin America, not because it is worse than whisky.” That’s not quite true, it would be illegal no matter who produced it. That’s just part of his rhetoric.
Now that there’s been a shift in White House power, Petro needs to rethink his entire distribution model.
There are two things that Columbia primarily exports. Coffee and cocaine. Now that the border has been closed, getting half the nation’s goods to market got a whole lot harder.
Add to that the fact it’s distributed on street corners across America by gang bangers, who are about to be relocated to a supermax prison in El Salvador, he’s got real problems. The only chance he has to keep the coke flowing is sell it on the open market.
“Scientists have analyzed this. Cocaine is no worse than whisky,” Petro emphasized. The entire criminal enterprise surrounding the drug could be “easily dismantled” if coke “were legalized worldwide.” It’s a smart move and libertarians in America have been backing it for years. The war on drugs is a failed waste of effort.
“If you want peace, you have to dismantle the business,” he relates. “It could easily be dismantled” by legalizing nose candy. “It would be sold like wine.” Or cannabis.
Happy snow bunnies
At WB we know a thing or two about hard core drug abuse. It’s a wonder we survived the seventies. As we wrote about a while back, before hackers vaporized our images, “there’s only one sure way to trap two or three snow bunnies for nefarious purposes at a cabin in the woods, cocaine.”
“About a quarter ounce should last the weekend. When the coke runs out, the girls inevitably do, too. Unless they’re snowed in, tied up, or both. All consensual, of course.”
We recommended that “the best place to go hunting snow bunnies are bars near college campuses. You want to especially watch out for the sorority girls. Pretty much all of them have been sleeping with their roommate all semester.”
“When you mention that you happen to have a couple eight-balls of cocaine and a cabin lined up for the weekend, be sure to mention that there’s plenty of coke for her roommate, too.”
That’s because “girls always feel safer when they travel in two’s and three’s, even to the bathroom. It’s a lot easier to get three strange girls to follow you out to the middle of nowhere in the teeth of an incoming blizzard than it is to get one all by herself.”
“Once you get there, do a few lines of cocaine first. That makes unpacking the car a breeze. You hardly knew you did it. Once a fire is blazing in the fireplace it’s time to ditch the snow suits and have a drink.” Some whisky would be nice.
