Mark Megahan
A private mountain cabin secluded in the forest is just the place to bring a few snow bunnies for fun and frolic. Being swallowed up in the beauty and power of nature can have profound effects. The worries of the world just seem to melt away. Space opens up for those so inclined to enjoy each other in new ways. Depending on which recreational chemicals you packed along, that space can really open up. This time of year, you can get some good deals on cabins which are usually summer rentals. Just make sure you have a vehicle which can get in and out if the snow really flies. If you’re lucky enough to catch a nice warm “Indian Summer” like we’re having this year, you might be fortunate enough to get to your spot in time for some sunbathing.
Cabin camping essentials
Once you get your cabin rented for the weekend, it’s time to gather the essential gear. You’ll want to bring some sleeping bags, even if the property provides bedding, they come in handy to keep stains off the furniture. Nobody likes extra cleaning charges tacked on.
Food of your choosing is obvious. Make sure you have more than enough and double pack the snacks. Frolicking in the woods always makes folks hungry.
Liquor is an important consideration for a trip to any cabin. Girls like those fruity mixed drinks so make sure you pack lots of juice and mixers, along with an assortment of wine, vodka, rum and whiskey.
There’s always room for a couple cases of beer but don’t bring the cheap stuff. You don’t want intoxicated women farting Pabst in your face. Bring plenty of top shelf cannabis along as well.
That covers the basics but there are two more vitally important essentials which must be brought to any secluded cabin. Women and cocaine.
You can also pack along a little bottle of that cleaning solvent that passes for Amyl Nitrate these days, but poppers are only for trained professionals. Especially when you’re doing heavy cocaine.
Catching snow bunnies
There’s only one sure way to trap two or three snow bunnies for nefarious purposes at a cabin in the woods, cocaine. About a quarter ounce should last the weekend.
When the coke runs out, the girls inevitably do, too. Unless they’re snowed in, tied up, or both. All consensual, of course. The best place to go hunting snow bunnies are bars near college campuses.
You want to especially watch out for the sorority girls. Pretty much all of them have been sleeping with their roommate all semester. When you mention that you happen to have a couple eight-balls of coke and a cabin lined up for the weekend, be sure to mention that there’s plenty of coke for her roommate, too.
Girls always feel safer when they travel in two’s and three’s, even to the bathroom. It’s a lot easier to get three strange girls to follow you out to the middle of nowhere in the teeth of an incoming blizzard than it is to get one all by herself.
Once you get there, do a few lines first. That makes unpacking the car a breeze. You hardly knew you did it. Once a fire is blazing in the fireplace it’s time to ditch the snow suits and have a drink.
After that, it’s off to the hot tub for a nice big doobie of something platinum tier and maybe a popper, while the girls show you what they learned at school. The cabin weekend can only get better from there. If you manage to survive, you’ll have stories to tell your buddies for decades.
