Mark Megahan
Everybody thinks their generation invented drinking games from scratch but ancient Greeks were the original animal house frat boys. Back in the Tang Dynasty the Chinese had a system. Europeans seem to like playing with toys along the way to inebriation. If you thought things could get tense in the argument over having to drink the whole pitcher because the quarter fell in, that’s nothing like the violence that erupts when Italians get oiled up.
Let the games begin
All the way back in ancient Greece they didn’t seem to mind making huge messes for the slaves to clean up with their naughty games. They threw wine around all over the walls, drapes, floors, and furniture. The whole gathering would be flinging spoon size drops with a special saucer for target practice.
Kottabos works like this. Get nicely liquored up and lay back on a couch. Across the room put a small target like a cup on top of a “teetering tower” The object is to knock it down. You can use a spoon and water if you can’t get the official gear. Back in the day, “the game involved flinging wine at a disc using a small saucer known as a kylix.”
During China’s Tang dynasty they got roaring drunk in style fit for the Emperor. Jiuling requires an ornate silver container of rod-like lots. Each comes inscribed with instructions similar to the ones on monopoly cards. As the lots were drawn one-by-one in their games, the instruction would be read, describing who should drink. They might say things like “the youngest” at the table or “the most talkative” or “highest ranking official.” At least that one seems to spread the alcohol around evenly. That won’t work for a drinking game so they added more rules.
“Players who proved too rowdy or rude were given penalties. More drinks.” It sounds harmless but often the “penalty cups” brought on borderline alcohol poisoning. If you didn’t drink every drop you wouldn’t be invited back. Assuming you lived through it. Just like modern frat parties.
In 17th-century European royal courts, they built a tabletop robot called “Diana and the Stag” for their drinking games.
The “figure appears to be simply a silver objet d’ art that depicts the goddess astride a deer.” You wind it up and it wanders around the table at random and will stop suddenly. Whoever it’s in front of has to drink. The “stag’s head cracked open to reveal a small drinking vessel.”
Sadistic Italian power trip
The hand drawn 1831 illustration of the Italian drinking games says it all. Called passatella, this one is still around today and just as cut-throat. “You know a game is hardcore when it comes with a warning about possible stabbings.”
The Romans came up with the idea of cutting cards for drinking “Boss and Underboss.” Things get interesting when it turns into rampant dictator driven socialism. That only makes sense if you’re a drunken Italian.
Everybody has to chip in for the round of drinks but it’s up to the two bosses to “to dispense and deny drinks, often through insult-laden speeches.”
They pick new bosses for the next round of games so it’s time for vendetta revenge. “By the Middle Ages, the game became downright violent, often ending with brandished knives.”
Because alcohol is such a wonderful muscle relaxant the more you drink, the harder it gets to maintain hand-eye coordination, or eventually, the ability to stand up. That’s what makes drinking games so fun.
16th-century Germany “wager cups” were a test of skill. The maiden’s skirt forms a cup, but another cup is also suspended above so it swings and stays level. The game is to fill both cups and drink both without spilling a drop. If you fail, you try again.
